Official Fashion Faux Pas Citation (Formal Occasion)

The Fashion Police have issued you this citation for the marked Fashion Faux Pas:

qThe wearing of velvet after Valentine’s Day

qWearing white before Memorial Day or after Labor Day

qWearing more than 1100 lumens of sequins

qUnnatural bearing of skin or body parts

qMore than 1 tattoo exposed at a formal occasion

qUnmatched or uncoordinated handbag and shoes

qThe wearing of more gold lame than the table decorations

qUncoordinated accessories or jewelry

qGreater jewelry / accessory to dress ratio than appropriate
(you’re a guest, not a curio cabinet)          

qWearing a tiara when not a royal or any other type of queen.

qWearing ruby slippers, within or outside of Kansas

qUsing more glitter on skin than on dress

qMen – white shoes, period.

qComplete inability to carry off wearing an ethnic outfit of any description

qWearing a seafoam green or orange sherbet dress (unless you are a bridesmaid AND you are at a wedding)

qHeels or platforms of shoes exceeding a 1:10 ratio against leg length.

qOther_______________________________________________

Please understand that we are advising you of this infraction for your own welfare and to help keep America beautiful.